Friends.

I was thinking this morning, on the way to work. I had a fun time yesterday, even though we were down a person, who could have only added to the enjoyment, but of course, health comes first, we managed to pull off a fun night.

I managed to hit myself in the head with something I think maybe I have been putting out of my mind recently. It hit me, that one day when we were looking through the yearbook, my roomate and myself, I had many friends in high school. The interesting part of this was that I used high school as more of a trial period of friends. I had many, but I never really broke off any ties with them during my high school years. This in turn led me to realize how many of those friends I really liked, and how many of those friends I wouldn't mind not seeing ever again (especially after sex on my bed). Then I went to college, which is a perfect excuse to now cut off the ties I didn't want anymore, and I did so. I kept many friends still in high school, and of course, those on my grade level.

Yesterday I watched a friends depression launch the friend part of me into gear, and I acted immediatly to crakc a smile on her face, but the problem was that she wasn't on the other end of the conversation, no big deal, but then something else happened, I ended up typing something that was on my mind, I kept it in the back, and I typed it into the IM window and hit send. It was some derivation of "Don't forget I'm always there for you". That got me thinking. I haven't hung out with this person in months, and havent talked to this person in weeks, yet when they feel pain, or discomfort, I still want to be there for them, It makes for a good friendship. I learned that even though I had not hung out or seen or talked to a friend that at one point I used to see and talk to everyday for hours, it never dissipated our relationship, and even though we don't push to hang out or talk everyday, we know we are there.

Another thing, Back in the days of ye ole high school, I had a particular friend who saved me from doing some stupid things many a time, and we were very very close, and matter of fact, I was very very close to his now ex-girlfriend, and together the three of us always had a decent time, and to this day, we keep in touch.

Recently, I found the friendship of another excellent person that I also shared a room with for 10 months, and have seen pretty much every weekend since june. This kid manages to always loosen up my mood, and I try to do the same for him, he has it quite a bit harder than I do, but he still keeps his chin up and moves on. "thems the breaks" as he says. Late night projects and professors bullshit that we both managed to eat through, and come out on top, but quite frankly, I think my freshman year would have been a very stressful time if it wasn't for rooming with him. He is one of the few people who I can joke with and hold a completly deep and serious conversation with all in one day. This childs life goal is to make people laugh. Hes completed his goal everyday I've known him with me. I tend to share the same goal. So kudos and thanks.

However, I also have distanced away from some people of whom I used to be very close to. She has a new boyfriend, which is great for her, and she is very very happy with him. However, my friendship with her has far from died, but has definitly diminished, and I'm far from blaming her. I must accept most of the blame. She is a wonderful friend, and my did we have awesome times together. Most I'll never forget.

Just last week, a friend of which I've been keeping up with, loosly but nonetheless, keeping up with had a baby girl. I thought back, and remembered that one particular night when she called me at 233am on a school night, in tears because she called her (at that time) boyfriend and he was with another women, which is alright, but he was in north carolina and had been "missing" her calls the past few mornings and evenings (when they managed to find time to talk). He told her that he needed a break for a while, and that he would explain more later, and hung up. We talked until 4 or so, at that time she was calm, and feeling secure enough to go to sleep until 530 or so. I hated that she moved, but I was all for it, seeing as how she was getting married, and to this day some two or more years later we still talk, and now i hear she is going to be farther. Not very happy about that. She was there for me many a times, and I do enjoy getting the random phone calls from her once every few months.

This leads me to the car ride to work this morning, when I realized that for me, I take pride in my life, and everything I do, I mean for goodness sake, i'm working on the new World Trade Center building, how many people do you know that have that oppertunity? But in the mess of all that I take pride in, I take the most pride in my friends, and my ability to be a good friend. In regards to a conversation I had with a good friend, people shouldn't wish their lives away, but a few days is alright. I know everyone in this world has wished some amount of time in their lives away, but the one thing that keeps me going is knowing that when shit gets tough and my mind starts to whirl, I can look over my shoulder and have a line of friends to back me up, make me laugh, and most important of all, be there for me too.

Afterall, Them is the breaks.